Airing Station - Fox
Airing Date - November 23, 2002
Episode - #807
Cast -
Michael McDonald - Stuart Larkin
Mo Collins - Doreen Larkin
Bobby Lee - Chinese Waiter
Ron Pederson - Couple
Christina Moore - Couple
Ron: You know this is the best chinese food I've had in a long time.
Christina: Mine's great too! Oh no..
Ron: What?
Christina: I hate it when people bring children to restaurants.
Doreen: THere we go, Thank you.
Stuart: LEt me do it!
Doreen: Stuart! This is your first time at a chinese restaurant! Isn't this fun?
Stuart: The waiter's face looked weird.
Doreen: Well that's because he's asian!
Stuart: Where did his eyes go?
Doreen: Well Stuart, they didn't go anywhere. They're just a different shape!
Stuart: They look like this,
Doreen: Well thats the way that God made him, just like he gave you the lazy eye.
Stuart: I don't have a lazy eye!
Doreen: Oh yes you do.
Stuart: Well you have grey hair in your danger zone.
Doreen: Stuart! Did you peek at mommy when she was changing again?
Stuart: NO it was sticking out of your bathing suit at the Mackenzie's pool party.
Doreen: Well, you know what you wanna eat?
Stuart: A happy meal.
Doreen: Stuart it's a chinese restaurant! They don't make the happy meal!
Stuart: THEN I HATE THE CHINESE.
Doreen: STUART! That kinda talk is racist! What does momma say about little boys who are racist?
Stuart: Little boys who are racist learn to be racist from their mother.
Doreen: That's right.. OhOOHooHohh! Stuart I have never said anything racist in front of you!!
Stuart: MMhMM! You said that canadians are wussies, and that black people don't look scary if they keep their hair neat..
Doreen: ALright that's enough!
Stuart: The French are smelly and they can't fight..
Doreen: ALRIGHT STUART ThAT'S ENOUGH!!
Stuart: Oh and you said that the Chinese were ugly!
Doreen: Forgive my son, we're gonna have him tested..
Waiter: okay.. what are you guys gonna order?
Doreen: I will have the eg fu yung and my son will have a nice big bowl of white rice!
Waiter: Oh isn't that cute..
Stuart: NO!! NO!
Waiter: Would you like me to..
Stuart: NOoo!! AHhh
Waiter: Um..you guys okay? You guys need anything?
Christina: Can we have the check? Thank you..
Doreen: Stuart, mommas gotta go make a little trip to the bathroom to make room for more food..Well I'll tell ya what,
Stuart: You use your manners too. If it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down.
Ron: What movie do you wanna see?
Christina: I was thinkin about seeing The Hours..
Ron: I dunno I hear thats just about suicidal lesbians..
Stuart: My aunt Linda's a lesbian. She has short hair.
Christina: That's interesting..
Stuart: You have short hair.. Are you a lesbian?
Christina: NO!
Stuart: My mom said it's okay to talk to lesbians because they take good care of their cats and they have a can-do attitude.
Christina: Your mom is an idiot, and we're trying to eat our dinner in private.
Stuart: What are you eating?
Ron: Well I'm having the fried rice, and she's having the Pu-Pu platter.
Stuart: My mom may be an idiot, but she'd never eat a platter of poo.
Christina: SHUT UP!
Ron: Stop it! He's just a little kid!
Christina: OK fine sure. Can we please just go?!
Ron: Yeah well let's at least read our fortune cookies..
Christina: Great You will find love if you search for it. Ok.
Ron: Wait you're supposed to say Between the sheets.
Christina: UGgh. You will find love if you search for it, between the sheets.
Doreen: OHOOH! How dare you come onto your boyfriend, like a cheap street whore in front of my impressionable son!
Christina: I was not coming onto him!
Stuart: That's because you're a lesbian!
Christina: I AM NOT A LESBIAN YOU BRAT!
Stuart: I AM NOT A BRAT YOU LESBIAN!
Christina: LADY! You can leave your son at home! Because he is PSYCHO!
Doreen: HOW DARE YOU CALL MY SON A PSYCHOO!
Christina: HE IS HE IS!
Doreen: Well that was ugly!
Stuart: Just like the Chinese!
Stuart: LOok! The Lesbian and her boyfriend left behind one of their Fortune cookies!
Doreen: Well, Good! You can practice your reading!
Stuart: A child is a joy to everyone..
Doreen: Aw..
Stuart: Between the sheets..
Doreen: OOH!
Waiter: Well here we are..
Doreen: What kind of place are you running here mister? Between the sheets! NO NO!!
Doreen: STOP! You're going to get a stomach ache!